Today was another rough one. Days like today make me want to give up and never try to write a show ever again. Pretty frustrated and trying not to panic. This "trying not to panic" is a feeling that I am used to. It is easier now because Erin understands that things are about to get crazy and I will essentially have to "check out" of life for a while in order to birth this show. She's seen it before and she's been through it. I have confidence that she will still love me when it's all said and done. Still having said that, it makes me want to never do it again.
I have tried my very best since January 1 and even before then to come up with a story that I liked with characters that are interesting, but now, several months closer to the deadline, it seems sometimes that very little work has been done. Here's to a better day tomorrow and an awesome week of writing miracles.
Below is the outline and letter I just sent Derek. Hoping that he can skype with me tomorrow and help me come up with some solutions. He's a good psychologist for me as a writer.
Subject: Outline
HeyDies, so I am struggling with this outline. The overall story doesn't seem clear to me. I've got good, fun ideas for each of the moments in the show and maybe that's all we need, but I keep asking myself, "What is the real story I want to tell here?" Is there a meaningful message? Does there need to be one? Can you extract a meaning from what we've got here? Ahhhh... #scriptdoctorneeded #that'syou
--
Outline 4/6/15
SCENE: preshow-3
-BANDITO meets the audience-
-A little bit about this show you’re about to watch ... it’s ... it’s pretty good. Definitely above average. And the reason I say that is because of the end what happens. I don’t want to give anything away, but it’s ... it’s not good for me let’s just say that. I get chooted, okay? There I said it. I get chooted with a gun and it’s not pretty. So just try to forget about that during the show but when we get close to the end, just don’t be surprised when I get chooted. Okay? Be prepared. The army motto.
-Have to somehow make it okay for him to be shot at the end so that people aren’t disturbed from the story. So the story doesn’t end when he dies.
-He alludes to the existence of LINDSEY. Maybe some strange animal noises coming from offstage. Not now, it’s not your turn to come on yet. etc
-These things get them anticipating some events in the future.
SONG: WELCOME TO PELIGRO-4
-The characters are introduced quickly (the ones who live in Peligro which are MAGNUS (kicked out of royal family, 27th in line to the throne, apprentice to BANDITO), PIETRA (1/4 goblin, 3/4 man, runs taco truck) and HILDA, they sell exotic meat fish tacos, no not fish today, chicken, the fish is all gone. The meat keeps changing.). The premise of the town is set up. They’re an outlaw town where the authorities don’t dare go.
Peligro, where the king makes all the rules. Hail to the king, hail to me!
-They’re not even recognized by the country. They’re a self-governed community of thieves. BANDITO is the king! Freedom. No laws! Bandito loves it so much! Every man for himself. Only the strong survive. This is the life he’s always dreamed of and he loves it cause he is in charge!!! Yaaaa boy!
SCENE: after the opener-5
-BANDITO is messing around on his phone. Needs money for something ridiculous. Magnus! Why is there no money in my paypal account? I’m the king of this kingdom and I have no money in my paypal? You spent it all. Also Peligro is not really a kingdom. The land where my family lives is a kingdom.
-Super-frank convo between MAGNUS and BANDITO, be honest Magnus, you wish that I were dead, do you not? No. You don’t wish that right now I would jump off a cliff to my death? No. Magnus, be honest with yourself. I’m just trying to prove a point. Okay. Yes I wish you were dead. You’re the basis of all of my life problems. If you weren’t around I would be happy. I could be king.
-Magnus keeps trying to remind BANDITO that it’s not so much kingdom as a village/township. You’re at best a mayor and at worst high priest group leader. Totally bums BANDITO out by the end. He’s a king without a kingdom. A show without an audience, etc
-My kingdom is small. Bring me the census records. 4. Population of 4. It’s lonely at the top.
-Bandito wasted the taxes. I do not waste it, I invest it. Online gambling is not investing. The yes hawks were supposed to win. You mean the Seahawks? Si I mean the yes hawks. Seahawks? Whichever language you choose it is the same.
-No offense, your kingshipt, but why don’t you go and do something for a change? I can’t. I’m the king. Rules say that I have to do king stuff all the time.
-Where has everybody gone? Captain hook? Valdemort? That crazy guy from ...? All moved on to find a more exciting place to live. More exciting? What can be more exciting than a town governed by the people where all of the people have the same values? What values? No values at all. Every man for himself! Something must be done.
SONG: peligro reprise- 2
-BANDITO explains how he needs to come up with a plan fast to preserve his way of life. This dream of Peligro is fading and if I don’t come up with cash, it’s over ... The town isn’t much, but I built it with my own two hands. Okay I stood and pointed my gun and made other people do most of the work, but you get the idea. It’s called delegating. Laments: I’ve created a kingdom with no subjects, a play without an audience, etc His goal is to have people do whatever he says.
SCENE: AMOS enters-3
-Welcome to El Peligro. El what? Peligro. Pelihgro? No Peligro. It means Danger in Spanish. I came up with it myself. That’s cute. No it is not cute, it’s awesome. Awesome with a capital awes.
-he is a trustable, friendly, charismatic showman who invites the town to his traveling spectacle. What is it? It’s something you’ve never seen before, I guarantee.
SONG: MEET LINDSEY-5
-we meet LINDSEY, the star of AMOS’s show. She can dance like a crazy person, but is a true blue gorilla!
SCENE: BANDITO tries to buy LINDSEY-6
-In BANDITO mancave. BANDITO pitches to AMOS the idea of staying in Peligro and setting up camp. We’ll be the disneyland of the west. Let’s use my name for marketing power and we’ll split the profits down the middle 70-30. 70-30? Yes 70 for me, 30 for you. According to our own individual levels of awesomeness as indicated by the quality of our facial hair. Height. Stretchiness of our individual pants.
-Moody says no thanks. BANDITO grabs his arm. I’m warning you Mr. Moody, this is a take it or lose it kind of a deal. Are you threatening me? Does a quick draw to scare him. (maybe a messed up one that we improv off of). Bully him. Last chance. No thanks.
-MAGNUS has written up the contract. Has some funny business with the monkey. BANDITO says, last chance. Say yes or I will be taking your gorilla. AMOS leaves in a hurry.
-Disneyland of the west!
-here we think at first that AMOS doesn’t want to sell LINDSEY cause she’s precious to him as a friend, but that’s not the case. BANDITO looks like the bad guy.
-Magnus comes in and funny business with the monkey. Maybe magnus is the money guy.
-we get a small hint that AMOS is mean to her. Maybe the bit about him offering taco to her and she goes for it, but AMOS says no. BANDITO insists, AMOS takes it and LINDSEY won’t accept it from him. BANDITO tries and she accepts.
SONG: MY LIFE IS TOO AWESOME REPRISE-2
-says that LINDSEY is his quest revealed to him by the universe. Something inside of me is compelling me to kidnap that gorilla. It says go, go BANDITO and kidnap that monkey.
SCENE: LINDSEY is missing-2
-AMOS kicks the covered cage. Speaks rudely to LINDSEY. Beds down. BANDITO sneaks in and pulls off cover. The cage is open, AMOS thinks BANDITO stole it. Leave magnus out of this scene so that he is a suspect. No need to show that the monkey was stolen. Leave it up in the air. AMOS threatens to call authorities. Go ahead. The authorities have no authority here.
SCENE: DARCY enters-5
-she is sent to investigate. BANDITO is surprised that she actually came. Once the president found out you were here, I was dispatched immediately. She knows of BANDITO. What’s this place called? Peligro. It means Danger! Named it myself. That’s cute. The government wasn’t staying away from peligro out of fear, they just didn’t know where BANDITO was. Now that they know, they sent 100 armed cavalrymen to apprehend him.
-not intimidated by BANDITO and the other outlaws
-says a US Marshall and 100 armed cavalrymen have been dispatched and will be here within the week
-BANDITO says ‘you’re bluffing’ she says, as a rule I do not bluff.
-DARCY knows of BANDITO reputation and she knows he did it. She’s sure of it.
-The cavalry will be here in a matter of days. You can’t outrun them. Your best bet is to return the gorilla and turn yourself in peacefully. (How many men? 100. I could take 100 men. No actually you couldn’t.) Otherwise the cavalry will burn this township to the ground and you will die. You mean this kingdom? Not so much a kingdom. They’ll be here in a matter of days. Think about my offer.
SCENE: magnus vs BANDITO
-MAGNUS vs BANDITO - MAGNUS wants to return the monkey and run. No that’s just what they want me to do. Also, I don’t have the monkey. Ya right, wink, sure you don’t. Why are you winking at me? That is making me very uncomfortable. AMOS overhears their conversation. MAGNUS still thinks BANDITO has it. AMOS says, Magnus, can I buy you a drink? They go off to conspire.
SCENE: BANDITO and DARCY bond-4
-DARCY has invited BANDITO to tacos at PIETRA’s taco stand.
-PIETRA says that this is the last of the meat and that he’s going to have to kill another cow, good thing I’ve got one now, I do.
-she’s completely different. Glasses off. Hair down. Asks for his autograph and is a pretty big fan. Totally different than when she’s “on the clock”. Says this is all off-the-record.
-She’s quirky and fun and becomes friends with BANDITO
-He admits a desire for a more normal, less awesome life, and she tells him about how she always sides with the villain
SONG: INSIDE I SORTA SIDED WITH THE VILLAIN-4
SCENE: AFTER DARCY SONG
-DARCY exits
-LINDSEY comes running out of the kitchen with PIETRA chasing her with a knife. Come back here cow! I’m sorry to do this to you but people have got to eat, you know? PIETRA this is not a cow. BANDITO takes possession of LINDSEY. PIETRA, you can’t kill this monkey. Tricks PIETRA into getting distracted.
SCENE: BANDITO brings LINDSEY home-5
-AMOS bursts in. LINDSEY hides. Where is she? She’s got to be here somewhere! BANDITO denies it, bullies him out. LINDSEY is afraid of AMOS.
-BANDITO sings LINDSEY to sleep with his guitar.
-As she sleeps he says, “siri, how much money can you make by selling a dancing monkey on craigslist.” Siri says, “I found 237 burger and fries restaurants near Garden City, Utah.”
SONG: MONKEY LULLABYE-3
-the song indicates that BANDITO has found a true friend that will stick with him and support and love him no matter what. Kind of cheesy, reassuring LINDSEY that he’s there for her. This makes the reveal more surprising that he wants to sell her online.
INTERMISSION
SONG: GOBLIN TACOS-3 Quick hitting opening number, cute and fun - sung to the audience
-features PIETRA and HILDA and maybe LINDSEY.
SCENE: AMOS and MAGNUS team up-
-AMOS reveals to MAGNUS his plan to take LINDSEY back east and sell her to a COLLECTOR that he knows of (a memorable name). He was heading there when he decided to stop in Peligro. This traveling stuff is small beans. You think I enjoy playing second fiddle to a dancing monkey? This is not my life. It’s a means to an end. I’m gonna be a star and step one is getting rid of that monkey. AMOS plays on MAGNUS’S insecurities and inner desires. Takes advantage of him. MAGNUS wants to be the king of peligro. He’s destined to be king. It’s in his blood. AMOS and he say that if they can knock of BANDITO then both of their goals will be accomplished.
-They decide to kill BANDITO via poison in his cake at the celebration later that night. MAGNUS says that tonight is BANDITO birthday party. Oh, is it now?
SONG: HOW TO KILL JUANITO BANDITO-3
-They spitball a bunch of ideas and methods to kill BANDITO. Every once in a while they say, let’s just shoot him when he’s not looking and then pause and they say naaa, that’ll never work. PIETRA and HILDA jump in. What are you planning? Killing BANDITO. Oooh fun! Can we play? Sure!
-DARCY comes out of hiding, having heard it all, and sings a little reprise of the song, clever.
-BANDITO comes out of hiding with LINDSEY and sings another reprise of the song, even more clever:) He knows that everybody knows.
SCENE: A dangerous party-4
-Every Thursday the town has to pretend that it is BANDITO birthday party. Thank you for coming. Special welcome to our new and temporary friends, AMOS and DARCY.
-BANDITO keeps almost taking a bite of his birthday cake but not quite. He makes AMOS and MAGNUS sing the second verse of happy birthday before he’ll eat it. Maybe get someone from audience to join him as special guest. Invite her to eat the cake, have fun.
-DARCY is trying to protect BANDITO, telling him they need to talk. She’s been looking all over for him. He ignores her. They’re all trying to get him to eat. He takes several fake bites.
-Everyone on the stage at once. A great time for some craziness and improv.
SONG: birthday surprise-2
-with dialog in between clever little verses.
-they come on edge several times as BANDITO almost takes a bite several times. He’s playing with them.
-Right at the end of the song, MAGNUS falls dead in his cake. DARCY is appalled. Says, someone, one of you will pay for this. BANDITO and AMOS both look confused.
SONG: MAGNUS’S FUNERAL, who killed magnus ankleburt III?
-a reprise of an earlier tune
SCENE: Marshall Garrett enters, BANDITO gets shot
-At end of funeral AMOS is about to shoot BANDITO and LINDSEY appears, saving his life. It turns into another standoff. Everyone pulls their weapons on BANDITO and DARCY is behind him. Totally unexpectedly, she shoots him in the back and falls dead.
-AMOS grabs the monkey forcefully. Thank you, we will be off now.
-A bunch of spotlights and horse sounds and sirens. They drop their weapons.
-Marshall Garrett enters
-They explain that BANDITO has been taken care of. I’m sorry, but do you have a monkey on a leash? Wow.
-DARCY tricks GARRETT into believing that AMOS killed MAGNUS. Has him look in the coffin. Wow, that is one ugly sucker. Fell out of the ugly tree kind of joke.
-Health code inspection scares away PIETRA and HILDA.
-After everyone leaves, we find that DARCY and BANDITO were in cahoots
-DARCY is going to move in next door.
-The collector, played by Jordan, comes into town to answer BANDITO craigslist ad with a briefcase full of cash to buy the monkey. BANDITO turns him down. I came all the way from Connecticut to buy this gorilla. Okay, I’ll double the money. Monkey is not for sale. COLLECTOR is a super jerk, rich. BANDITO and DARCY go off to rob him to end the show.
-Ending bit ideas:
-we allude to the fact that she killed MAGNUS
-the funny bit about neighbors with strange pets
-monkey shoots off stage and comes running on with gun
-something clever with the monkey (unexpected)
I have tried my very best since January 1 and even before then to come up with a story that I liked with characters that are interesting, but now, several months closer to the deadline, it seems sometimes that very little work has been done. Here's to a better day tomorrow and an awesome week of writing miracles.
Below is the outline and letter I just sent Derek. Hoping that he can skype with me tomorrow and help me come up with some solutions. He's a good psychologist for me as a writer.
Subject: Outline
HeyDies, so I am struggling with this outline. The overall story doesn't seem clear to me. I've got good, fun ideas for each of the moments in the show and maybe that's all we need, but I keep asking myself, "What is the real story I want to tell here?" Is there a meaningful message? Does there need to be one? Can you extract a meaning from what we've got here? Ahhhh... #scriptdoctorneeded #that'syou
--
Outline 4/6/15
SCENE: preshow-3
-BANDITO meets the audience-
-A little bit about this show you’re about to watch ... it’s ... it’s pretty good. Definitely above average. And the reason I say that is because of the end what happens. I don’t want to give anything away, but it’s ... it’s not good for me let’s just say that. I get chooted, okay? There I said it. I get chooted with a gun and it’s not pretty. So just try to forget about that during the show but when we get close to the end, just don’t be surprised when I get chooted. Okay? Be prepared. The army motto.
-Have to somehow make it okay for him to be shot at the end so that people aren’t disturbed from the story. So the story doesn’t end when he dies.
-He alludes to the existence of LINDSEY. Maybe some strange animal noises coming from offstage. Not now, it’s not your turn to come on yet. etc
-These things get them anticipating some events in the future.
SONG: WELCOME TO PELIGRO-4
-The characters are introduced quickly (the ones who live in Peligro which are MAGNUS (kicked out of royal family, 27th in line to the throne, apprentice to BANDITO), PIETRA (1/4 goblin, 3/4 man, runs taco truck) and HILDA, they sell exotic meat fish tacos, no not fish today, chicken, the fish is all gone. The meat keeps changing.). The premise of the town is set up. They’re an outlaw town where the authorities don’t dare go.
Peligro, where the king makes all the rules. Hail to the king, hail to me!
-They’re not even recognized by the country. They’re a self-governed community of thieves. BANDITO is the king! Freedom. No laws! Bandito loves it so much! Every man for himself. Only the strong survive. This is the life he’s always dreamed of and he loves it cause he is in charge!!! Yaaaa boy!
SCENE: after the opener-5
-BANDITO is messing around on his phone. Needs money for something ridiculous. Magnus! Why is there no money in my paypal account? I’m the king of this kingdom and I have no money in my paypal? You spent it all. Also Peligro is not really a kingdom. The land where my family lives is a kingdom.
-Super-frank convo between MAGNUS and BANDITO, be honest Magnus, you wish that I were dead, do you not? No. You don’t wish that right now I would jump off a cliff to my death? No. Magnus, be honest with yourself. I’m just trying to prove a point. Okay. Yes I wish you were dead. You’re the basis of all of my life problems. If you weren’t around I would be happy. I could be king.
-Magnus keeps trying to remind BANDITO that it’s not so much kingdom as a village/township. You’re at best a mayor and at worst high priest group leader. Totally bums BANDITO out by the end. He’s a king without a kingdom. A show without an audience, etc
-My kingdom is small. Bring me the census records. 4. Population of 4. It’s lonely at the top.
-Bandito wasted the taxes. I do not waste it, I invest it. Online gambling is not investing. The yes hawks were supposed to win. You mean the Seahawks? Si I mean the yes hawks. Seahawks? Whichever language you choose it is the same.
-No offense, your kingshipt, but why don’t you go and do something for a change? I can’t. I’m the king. Rules say that I have to do king stuff all the time.
-Where has everybody gone? Captain hook? Valdemort? That crazy guy from ...? All moved on to find a more exciting place to live. More exciting? What can be more exciting than a town governed by the people where all of the people have the same values? What values? No values at all. Every man for himself! Something must be done.
SONG: peligro reprise- 2
-BANDITO explains how he needs to come up with a plan fast to preserve his way of life. This dream of Peligro is fading and if I don’t come up with cash, it’s over ... The town isn’t much, but I built it with my own two hands. Okay I stood and pointed my gun and made other people do most of the work, but you get the idea. It’s called delegating. Laments: I’ve created a kingdom with no subjects, a play without an audience, etc His goal is to have people do whatever he says.
SCENE: AMOS enters-3
-Welcome to El Peligro. El what? Peligro. Pelihgro? No Peligro. It means Danger in Spanish. I came up with it myself. That’s cute. No it is not cute, it’s awesome. Awesome with a capital awes.
-he is a trustable, friendly, charismatic showman who invites the town to his traveling spectacle. What is it? It’s something you’ve never seen before, I guarantee.
SONG: MEET LINDSEY-5
-we meet LINDSEY, the star of AMOS’s show. She can dance like a crazy person, but is a true blue gorilla!
SCENE: BANDITO tries to buy LINDSEY-6
-In BANDITO mancave. BANDITO pitches to AMOS the idea of staying in Peligro and setting up camp. We’ll be the disneyland of the west. Let’s use my name for marketing power and we’ll split the profits down the middle 70-30. 70-30? Yes 70 for me, 30 for you. According to our own individual levels of awesomeness as indicated by the quality of our facial hair. Height. Stretchiness of our individual pants.
-Moody says no thanks. BANDITO grabs his arm. I’m warning you Mr. Moody, this is a take it or lose it kind of a deal. Are you threatening me? Does a quick draw to scare him. (maybe a messed up one that we improv off of). Bully him. Last chance. No thanks.
-MAGNUS has written up the contract. Has some funny business with the monkey. BANDITO says, last chance. Say yes or I will be taking your gorilla. AMOS leaves in a hurry.
-Disneyland of the west!
-here we think at first that AMOS doesn’t want to sell LINDSEY cause she’s precious to him as a friend, but that’s not the case. BANDITO looks like the bad guy.
-Magnus comes in and funny business with the monkey. Maybe magnus is the money guy.
-we get a small hint that AMOS is mean to her. Maybe the bit about him offering taco to her and she goes for it, but AMOS says no. BANDITO insists, AMOS takes it and LINDSEY won’t accept it from him. BANDITO tries and she accepts.
SONG: MY LIFE IS TOO AWESOME REPRISE-2
-says that LINDSEY is his quest revealed to him by the universe. Something inside of me is compelling me to kidnap that gorilla. It says go, go BANDITO and kidnap that monkey.
SCENE: LINDSEY is missing-2
-AMOS kicks the covered cage. Speaks rudely to LINDSEY. Beds down. BANDITO sneaks in and pulls off cover. The cage is open, AMOS thinks BANDITO stole it. Leave magnus out of this scene so that he is a suspect. No need to show that the monkey was stolen. Leave it up in the air. AMOS threatens to call authorities. Go ahead. The authorities have no authority here.
SCENE: DARCY enters-5
-she is sent to investigate. BANDITO is surprised that she actually came. Once the president found out you were here, I was dispatched immediately. She knows of BANDITO. What’s this place called? Peligro. It means Danger! Named it myself. That’s cute. The government wasn’t staying away from peligro out of fear, they just didn’t know where BANDITO was. Now that they know, they sent 100 armed cavalrymen to apprehend him.
-not intimidated by BANDITO and the other outlaws
-says a US Marshall and 100 armed cavalrymen have been dispatched and will be here within the week
-BANDITO says ‘you’re bluffing’ she says, as a rule I do not bluff.
-DARCY knows of BANDITO reputation and she knows he did it. She’s sure of it.
-The cavalry will be here in a matter of days. You can’t outrun them. Your best bet is to return the gorilla and turn yourself in peacefully. (How many men? 100. I could take 100 men. No actually you couldn’t.) Otherwise the cavalry will burn this township to the ground and you will die. You mean this kingdom? Not so much a kingdom. They’ll be here in a matter of days. Think about my offer.
SCENE: magnus vs BANDITO
-MAGNUS vs BANDITO - MAGNUS wants to return the monkey and run. No that’s just what they want me to do. Also, I don’t have the monkey. Ya right, wink, sure you don’t. Why are you winking at me? That is making me very uncomfortable. AMOS overhears their conversation. MAGNUS still thinks BANDITO has it. AMOS says, Magnus, can I buy you a drink? They go off to conspire.
SCENE: BANDITO and DARCY bond-4
-DARCY has invited BANDITO to tacos at PIETRA’s taco stand.
-PIETRA says that this is the last of the meat and that he’s going to have to kill another cow, good thing I’ve got one now, I do.
-she’s completely different. Glasses off. Hair down. Asks for his autograph and is a pretty big fan. Totally different than when she’s “on the clock”. Says this is all off-the-record.
-She’s quirky and fun and becomes friends with BANDITO
-He admits a desire for a more normal, less awesome life, and she tells him about how she always sides with the villain
SONG: INSIDE I SORTA SIDED WITH THE VILLAIN-4
SCENE: AFTER DARCY SONG
-DARCY exits
-LINDSEY comes running out of the kitchen with PIETRA chasing her with a knife. Come back here cow! I’m sorry to do this to you but people have got to eat, you know? PIETRA this is not a cow. BANDITO takes possession of LINDSEY. PIETRA, you can’t kill this monkey. Tricks PIETRA into getting distracted.
SCENE: BANDITO brings LINDSEY home-5
-AMOS bursts in. LINDSEY hides. Where is she? She’s got to be here somewhere! BANDITO denies it, bullies him out. LINDSEY is afraid of AMOS.
-BANDITO sings LINDSEY to sleep with his guitar.
-As she sleeps he says, “siri, how much money can you make by selling a dancing monkey on craigslist.” Siri says, “I found 237 burger and fries restaurants near Garden City, Utah.”
SONG: MONKEY LULLABYE-3
-the song indicates that BANDITO has found a true friend that will stick with him and support and love him no matter what. Kind of cheesy, reassuring LINDSEY that he’s there for her. This makes the reveal more surprising that he wants to sell her online.
INTERMISSION
SONG: GOBLIN TACOS-3 Quick hitting opening number, cute and fun - sung to the audience
-features PIETRA and HILDA and maybe LINDSEY.
SCENE: AMOS and MAGNUS team up-
-AMOS reveals to MAGNUS his plan to take LINDSEY back east and sell her to a COLLECTOR that he knows of (a memorable name). He was heading there when he decided to stop in Peligro. This traveling stuff is small beans. You think I enjoy playing second fiddle to a dancing monkey? This is not my life. It’s a means to an end. I’m gonna be a star and step one is getting rid of that monkey. AMOS plays on MAGNUS’S insecurities and inner desires. Takes advantage of him. MAGNUS wants to be the king of peligro. He’s destined to be king. It’s in his blood. AMOS and he say that if they can knock of BANDITO then both of their goals will be accomplished.
-They decide to kill BANDITO via poison in his cake at the celebration later that night. MAGNUS says that tonight is BANDITO birthday party. Oh, is it now?
SONG: HOW TO KILL JUANITO BANDITO-3
-They spitball a bunch of ideas and methods to kill BANDITO. Every once in a while they say, let’s just shoot him when he’s not looking and then pause and they say naaa, that’ll never work. PIETRA and HILDA jump in. What are you planning? Killing BANDITO. Oooh fun! Can we play? Sure!
-DARCY comes out of hiding, having heard it all, and sings a little reprise of the song, clever.
-BANDITO comes out of hiding with LINDSEY and sings another reprise of the song, even more clever:) He knows that everybody knows.
SCENE: A dangerous party-4
-Every Thursday the town has to pretend that it is BANDITO birthday party. Thank you for coming. Special welcome to our new and temporary friends, AMOS and DARCY.
-BANDITO keeps almost taking a bite of his birthday cake but not quite. He makes AMOS and MAGNUS sing the second verse of happy birthday before he’ll eat it. Maybe get someone from audience to join him as special guest. Invite her to eat the cake, have fun.
-DARCY is trying to protect BANDITO, telling him they need to talk. She’s been looking all over for him. He ignores her. They’re all trying to get him to eat. He takes several fake bites.
-Everyone on the stage at once. A great time for some craziness and improv.
SONG: birthday surprise-2
-with dialog in between clever little verses.
-they come on edge several times as BANDITO almost takes a bite several times. He’s playing with them.
-Right at the end of the song, MAGNUS falls dead in his cake. DARCY is appalled. Says, someone, one of you will pay for this. BANDITO and AMOS both look confused.
SONG: MAGNUS’S FUNERAL, who killed magnus ankleburt III?
-a reprise of an earlier tune
SCENE: Marshall Garrett enters, BANDITO gets shot
-At end of funeral AMOS is about to shoot BANDITO and LINDSEY appears, saving his life. It turns into another standoff. Everyone pulls their weapons on BANDITO and DARCY is behind him. Totally unexpectedly, she shoots him in the back and falls dead.
-AMOS grabs the monkey forcefully. Thank you, we will be off now.
-A bunch of spotlights and horse sounds and sirens. They drop their weapons.
-Marshall Garrett enters
-They explain that BANDITO has been taken care of. I’m sorry, but do you have a monkey on a leash? Wow.
-DARCY tricks GARRETT into believing that AMOS killed MAGNUS. Has him look in the coffin. Wow, that is one ugly sucker. Fell out of the ugly tree kind of joke.
-Health code inspection scares away PIETRA and HILDA.
-After everyone leaves, we find that DARCY and BANDITO were in cahoots
-DARCY is going to move in next door.
-The collector, played by Jordan, comes into town to answer BANDITO craigslist ad with a briefcase full of cash to buy the monkey. BANDITO turns him down. I came all the way from Connecticut to buy this gorilla. Okay, I’ll double the money. Monkey is not for sale. COLLECTOR is a super jerk, rich. BANDITO and DARCY go off to rob him to end the show.
-Ending bit ideas:
-we allude to the fact that she killed MAGNUS
-the funny bit about neighbors with strange pets
-monkey shoots off stage and comes running on with gun
-something clever with the monkey (unexpected)